Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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