we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
