He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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