i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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