There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Say something about gay babies.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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