So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
