I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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