I cannot find my penis.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
