This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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