I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
