all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
