Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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