I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
