...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I had to cum in my sink.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
