Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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