I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
