i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
