I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
