.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
