i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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