I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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