Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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