kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
