I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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