Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
