im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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