thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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