Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
