I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
