She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
