Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
