Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
