I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
