You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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