You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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