I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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