that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
