next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
