I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
