The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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