Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize