Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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