chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
