How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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