Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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