I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
