I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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