Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
