He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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