just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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