Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
