The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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