Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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