youre lurking in front of me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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